Real Parents, Real Judgment: Let’s Stop the Mommy Wars

Mastermind Weekend 1/16

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I'm Tina

I’m the owner of Carrots ‘N’ Cake as well as a Certified Nutrition Coach and Functional Diagnostic Nutrition Practitioner (FDN-P). I use macros and functional nutrition to help women find balance within their diets while achieving their body composition goals.

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This post is sponsored by Similac as part of The Sisterhood of Motherhood campaign.

As you can imagine, as a blogger, I receive all sorts of judgment about my life and what I share on the Internet. Now that I’m a mom, I get even more of it. I realize most parents experience this same sort of judgment at one point or another, and we know how hard it can be. At a recent Mom 2.0 blogger conference, Similac asked parents about the challenge of being judged. Watch the video below to see what moms had to say about their experiences and challenges.

Does any of this sound familiar to you?

similac

Even celebrity moms experience this same kind of judgement. That’s why, Hilary and Haylie Duff recently partnered with The Sisterhood of Motherhood as they are both firm believers in ending the “mommy wars” and have expressed opinions on parental judgment that align perfectly with the campaign.

In the past, I’ve discussed various topics related to motherhood on CNC, especially those associated with The Sisterhood of Motherhood. Now the brand is asking me to take this one step further by sharing a personal experience when I was judged as a parent and something I will do to help end the “mommy wars.”

My experience actually happened on a blog post about celebrating my first Mother’s Day. I wrote about how Quinn and I enjoyed a fun class at My Gym and then shared a photo of the two of us.

A comment that I received on my post was quite judgmental: “Quinn should be wearing socks, shoes, and a jacket! Really, the way you care for your son is so questionable”¦.”

The comment really surprised me. It also hurt my feelings, but I assumed the reader just didn’t know the whole story and made an assumption, so I replied, hoping to clear things up: “Quinn was dressed perfectly for our class at My Gym. The babies have to be in bare feet to prevent slipping since many of them are just learning to walk. It was also in the 70s here yesterday, so he didn’t need a jacket.”

I think a lot of what happens when it comes to the “mommy wars” is simple misunderstandings between moms. What one mom does might seem “wrong” to another because they assume it won’t work for their child or yours, but they don’t know the whole story. As moms, if we make it a priority to communicate with one another and explain how and why we chose to parent our child(ren) the way we do, maybe it will put a stop to the “mommy wars.” Hopefully, keeping these lines of communication open will help us all become better parents.

Question of the Day

Moms: Share a time that you experienced judgment and how you responded. 

Commit to #SisterhoodUnite and share your personal story about your challenges overcoming judgment, and the one thing you will do to help end the mommy wars on Similac’s Facebook Page.

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67 Comments

  1. I can’t believe someone said that to you! Did she respond back to your comment? I’m 36 weeks along and the regular unsolicited, unfiltered comments about the size of my baby bump are starting to put me over the edge. (“It’s HUGE!” “How many babies are in there?!” “I don’t think you’re going to make it!”) I’ve had a very healthy and relatively “easy” pregnancy, and for this to be my least favorite thing about the experience is kind of sad. ANYWAY…I can’t imagine how much worse comments from strangers will be once my little lady is here. I guess I need to learn to suck it up and deal with it…or come up with a few clever retorts!

  2. I think we really need to just stop being so negative towards each other. Everyone is going to do what they want. People need to either keep their mouth shut or just say something nice. You are doing great as a mom! Quinn always looks happy and reminds me of my daughter (who is 15 months!).

  3. Great topic! It must be so hard with all of the judgement you receive to still put it all out there, so koodos to you.

    I have a “mommy friend” who always makes comments about what I feed my child “you know Goldfish are full of chemicals”, things like that. It really frustrates me because she doesn’t even know how I agonize over what I can spend on food and what I put in my child’s mouth. Sometimes I don’t even want to do snack time or lunchtime with her, it is that bad.

  4. Ugh, I feel like until you walk a few miles in someone else’s shoes, you have no right to judge. What a shame that someone was unhappy enough inside that they had to make such an awful comment.

    I feel like the mommy wars is just an extension of the “women wars.” Instead of building each other up, women tend to tear each other down. Hopefully campaigns like this can put an end to it!

  5. My baby was extremely colicky for months and had reflux and was intolerant to milk Shes also a June 14 baby. I cried a lot as a result. A girl I know said ‘Now don’t you wish you had breastfed.’. Suggesting it was my fault.

  6. I am sorry you received such negative comments. I got told to shop online and stay away from the grocery store with my kids. And I was told I was being creepy breastfeeding a small toddler. Actually I could go on! Luckily I have also had so many supportive comments, which I really appreciate!

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  8. Why is there all the judgement? I am not a mother, but it is one of the hardest jobs in the world. Plus you never know the whole story. What happened to the “if you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”

    I was told once, “I don’t know what you looked like before you lost weight, but I am sure you look great compared to what you were. Even if you are still chunky.”

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