The strangest thing happened. I turned 40 and suddenly, I wanted a baby!
I don’t know why. I have no clue where the desire came from and I can’t pinpoint any specific event that caused it to come on so strong. We’re a very happy family of four (including Murphy) and everything is really great! But for whatever reason, year 40 came and along with it, the desire for another child.
My husband and I talked it over (and over and over and over). And honestly for a while we were really seriously considering it! I mean, at 40, if we were actually going to do it, now was the time, right? There’s a ton of research saying that having a baby at 40 is perfectly safe and healthy. Plus, given his job and the flexibility of my business, now seemed like as good a time as any. So, why not?
We Did Our Research
Before coming to any major decisions, we did (a lot of) research. Yes, I actually Googled whether or not having a baby at 40 was a good idea. And man, things sure have changed since we had Quinn!
We weighed the benefits:
- We’d be awesome parents…I mean, Quinn is really great, we can surely do this again, right? Plus, we’d be so much more confident this time around.
- We’re in a good place financially, live in a great neighborhood, and our house has room to grow.
- Some studies say having a baby later in life can actually boost a mother’s brain power – who doesn’t want more brain power?!?
- Technology has advanced a lot, so, having a baby at 40 is safer now than ever before.
- It’d be a great learning opportunity for Quinn. I’m sure he’d be an incredibly kind, loving, and patient big brother.
- Babies are squishy and they smell really good (I still sniff my sweet boy like a creep)… honestly, isn’t that reason enough?!?
And then we weighed the disadvantages:
- We’re so out of the baby phase…fiddling with car seats, fussing with onesie snaps, and those middle of the night feedings actually sound scary now! And we gave EVERYTHING away!
- Having to put my business aside to actually take maternity leave (I didn’t take one with Quinn).
- My own health – being on Envytio helps so much but I’m not sure how I’d feel using it while pregnant.
- General increased complication risks, I mean, even though there’s tons of positive research out there, that’s always a quiet concern, isn’t it?
- Traveling… if we ever travel again. Quinn is the best little traveler. Adding an infant to the mix might not be the best idea.
- Diapers. Crying. So many diapers. So much crying.
And while starting all over sounded like an incredibly rewarding thing, it also felt like a huge challenging change and we really had to decide if that change was something we truly wanted or if it was just an in-the-moment type emotional response. I mean, babies are a pretty forever decision!
Ultimately We Decided…
When I say we talked about it a lot, I mean A LOT. We had tons of conversations about it. Tons! But ultimately, we decided we’re happy as a family of three…well, four with Murphy…and we both think our family is complete and perfect as it is.
I don’t know where the desire for a baby came from? Maybe that whole ‘your biological clock is ticking, Tina’ thing? Maybe seeing family and friends making baby announcements? Maybe it was a result of being in quarantine and feeling like a having a little baby around would make the time pass nicely?
I don’t know.
Looking back over our conversations, the pro-con lists, the debates, the research, and the tons of back and forth my husband and I had over this very important (and personal) decision, I’m not sure why I felt like I did. I dunno, but right now, looking at my amazing little family, when I really think about it, I don’t feel like anything is missing!
Getting older is an adventure isn’t it? Have you recently turned 40? How did turning 40 hit you? Did any surprise desires for expanding your family or making other major life-changes pop up?