Our Decision to Have One Child

Mastermind Weekend 1/16

Hey there!

I'm Tina

I’m the owner of Carrots ‘N’ Cake as well as a Certified Nutrition Coach and Functional Diagnostic Nutrition Practitioner (FDN-P). I use macros and functional nutrition to help women find balance within their diets while achieving their body composition goals.

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Hi, friends!

Ok, so it’s real talk time. I want to address something that’s been quite the hot topic on CNC lately: Whether or not Mal and I will have another child.

It’s funny how when your making one of the most important decisions of your life, everyone else seems to have an opinion – and I mean everyone. From our own parents to the waitress, who served us at dinner last week, people feel the need to tell us why they think having one child is either a fantastic decision or an absolutely horrible one.

Rather than be evasive or beat around the bush, I’m just going to say it right here – we probably will not have another child. While I’ll “never say never,” Mal and I have had countless conversations about this and have gone back and forth, and every time we ultimately agree that we’re happy with our little family as is. And that’s ok.

I think there tends to be more shame and judgement over the decision to have one child than there is to make the choice to have multiple children – and part of that stems from the assumption that parents who consciously choose to have one child are selfish. Nothing could be further from the truth! We did not take this decision lightly. Even clearing the air here with all of you wasn’t easy, but many people don’t realize just how hard making the choice is because while there are many positives, there will still always be negatives. If you’re in a similar situation or are just curious, I’d like to give you a little peek into the pros and cons we weighed that ultimately led us to decide to remain a single tiny human family.

Pros

One of the biggest pros for us is travel! It’s way easier and cheaper with one child. We can visit places that might be off limits to larger families, and since we only have one kiddo’s schedule to adhere to, planning out our days is simplified and we can generally fit more into one trip.

Quinn also receives more attention as an only child because our time isn’t divided between caring for multiple children. I don’t mean that we spoil him with material things or give into every tantrum – just that he gets more of our energy, which translates to more playtime and more snuggles.

He’ll have the independence that many “oldest” kids have, but he won’t have to assume the role of responsible caretaker that the eldest child often does when there are younger sibling to take care of.

He will be able to self-entertain and self-soothe, both skills that can translate into his adult professional and personal life. Research has actually shown that only children have higher IQs! 🙂

Cons

Quinn will miss out on the sibling experience, and this was truly the hardest part of our decision. Mal and I both grew up with siblings and step-siblings, so we know how important those bonds are. It makes us a little sad that Quinn won’t have a built-in playmate. Plus, as he progresses into adulthood, he won’t have the opportunity for a larger biological family with nieces, nephews, etc. But hey – not all siblings get along or have healthy relationships as they get older, and we certainly don’t believe that to be “family” you have to be blood-related. We are blessed with a large friend group, our friends’ kids, extended family, and Quinn’s cousins are absolutely part of our lives. When we see them all hang out together, we know that Quinn is getting the feeling of having siblings, and we will make it our priority to maintain and encourage these types of relationships as he gets older.

Another con that we face having a by-choice single child family is the judgement from everyone else – and that will probably never go away, even when Quinn is well into adulthood. I get it – everyone thinks their opinion is the right one, and I’ve just learned to grin and bare it through the comments. It really used to upset me, but now I just let it roll off my shoulders. It’s our family, and the only opinion that counts is mine and Mal’s.

While there are pros and cons to keeping our family small, we feel that we’ve found ways to move past the more negative aspects of it. And yeah, as Quinn gets older, he won’t have someone in the next room to complain about Mumma and Dadda to – but isn’t that what friends are for? 🙂

Question of the Day

Are you a single child family or do you have a few kiddos? What are some of your pros and cons for each?

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118 Comments

  1. I’ve been dealing with this for years, but it’s for NOT having kids and not being married. It took me until I was 39 to meet the person I’m going to spend my life with. Throughout the years, I’ve been asked why I just don’t have kids on my own. Now I don’t want to have a high risk baby, adopt, etc. Part of me feels sad about that and when I tell people that they say breakk-up with your boyfriend and have a child on your own. How is that a solution? I wouldn’t want a child without him. Also, when I was younger working in corporate America, I would always have to stay in the office later if someone on the team had to go to their kids events. I can’t tell you how frustrating it was that I would have to do more work because I did not have kids. One kid, no kid. I totally get it.

    1. @Megan @ Skinny Fitalicious: hi – I’m in a similar situation and have had very similar experiences. I hope that the more of us who show that small family or child-free living is just as fulfilling as ha ing a large family, the more our choices and situations will not be cause for comment. Btw I’m 43 now and I do t get many comments anymore!!

  2. Thanks for being so open in this post! I had what turned out to be an incredibly difficult, high risk pregnancy with my daughter. I was in the hospital on a high risk ward for what seemed like forever (a month) then home on strict bedrest. Then a really difficult labor (no muscle tone after 3 months of pelvic rest). Then the NICU. The odds are good that, if I was even able to carry another baby it would be a similar experience. So we elected to be thankful for our one miracle and only miracle. Our little family is perfect as is.
    The crazy thing- even people who know all that would sometimes ask why we didn’t have another “or at least try”.

  3. Well I am an only child and my husband was one of 12 and no one agreed with our decision to have none. If we had had any it would have been one. My parents were the only ones in agreement with us. I LOVED being the only child. My husband HATED being from a big family and our decision was made when everyone had children. I am retired and actually am widowed. Am I sorry and would I change anything?? No. I have an extended friend family and they have helped me through losing my husband and reaching 5 years cancer free. I love my life and have had wonderful people in jt. Make the decisions you want and not what others want. You are making wonderful memories Quinn will have forever!!!!!

  4. I believe the decision you make based on your family and circumstances is the most important decision. Where is some sound advice I recently heard is that somebody else’s opinion is none of your business. What is most important important is the happiness and love that you and your family have for each other.

  5. My husband and I also made the decision to have 1 child. We both feel that we wouldn’t be able to handle more than one for many different reasons that are NO ONES BUSINESS. Plus, kids are expensive and we want to be able to give our daughter a good education, travel with her, and be able to live comfortably as a family. If that’s selfish so be it. The only thing I worry about is that she is going to have to shoulder the responsibility of taking care of my husband and I when we are older. I know from experience that taking care of elderly parents is difficult emotionally and financially and I feel guilty for putting all of that on her. However, that one con doesn’t outweigh all of the other positives. Great post!

  6. So we have 2 boys. They are 15 months apart and are now nearly 5 and 3.5. I thought we were done. I’ve been saying that for 3.5 years. And now we don’t know!!! We struggle with pros and cons too. I was a third baby so something about that pulls at me. Financially, it is easier to have 2 for so many reasons (vacations, daycare, sports, restaurants). But there’s a name I dream about for a third boy… and my husband really would love a daughter. So we are very up in the air. Everyone assumes we are done and I think we’d get tons of comments if we got pregnant again. My second is a little wild (so sweet though).

  7. We don’t have kids yet, but my husband and I talk about having one or more children a lot. I frequently ask, “What if we have just one kid?” Right now, that seems totally appealing. I’d like to focus all of my energy one just one child! I’m one of 6 kids and I know how crazy that was and still is for my parents, and we’re all over 25!

    My older siblings all have multiple children and I can definitely see the pros to it. But, I can also see the cons to it as well! I just don’t know how I feel yet. What I do know is that I HATE how judgmental everyone is about parenting. Like you said, it’s your and Mal’s choice to have one child, why does everyone else feel the need to weigh in? As though their opinions are going to instantly change your minds. And for whose benefit? If you and Mal don’t want a second child, who benefits if you do have one? People are crazy with their opinions these days!

  8. Thanks for sharing, Tina! I always think it is a shame that people feel like they need to defend their decision to have an only child! Your son is obviously very happy and loved and that is all that matters!

  9. Thank you for being so open and honest with your readers Tina! You are a titan ; seriously so amazing of you to share your life with us. I love spending part of my day with you! Have the BEST weekend friend!!

  10. I have a younger brother and my husband has an older brother and we have one daughter. She’s now 15. Our pro/con list is practically identical to yours. While my brother and I are close, my husband and his brother are not. We live in the same area see him once, maybe twice a year. As a teen my daughter sometimes hates that we don’t have another kid to focus on – and I have to really work at giving her space and letting her start to deal with things on her own and sometimes I do feel bad that she doesn’t have someone when we go on vacation and it’s just us, but she’s got cousins and like you, we have friends that are family. Even when I doubt the decision, I still know it was right for us.

  11. As always Tina your posts are genuine and honest. Hubs and I have one child and won’t have any more. For all of the reasons you espoused above plus many others, this is just what works for our family. Our 10yo daughter is the light of our life even on those days when the dreaded tween behavior rears its ugly head. Thank you for sharing.

  12. We are a ‘one a day’ family and we don’t have any pets. The decision you have made is right because you made it. Nothing else matters!!

  13. Tina- Long time reader first time commenter. Thank you for being so open. I’m in the same one child boat and the judgement is INSANE. At the end of the day you know you, Mal and Quinn best and you do what’s right for your family…no one else’s opinion matters. But it does get hard hearing the snarky things people say. Good for you guys for weighing the options and deciding..people don’t seem to get at all that it’s not a decision you come to easily. We weighed everything you said in addition to finances, college costs, our son’s personality (we think a sibling would irritate him honestly haha), my heath (I had a difficult pregnancy and another one would take a large toll) and about a million other factors. I appreciate hearing from other only child moms and this post was great to read 🙂

  14. I only have one child. When my husband and I first talked about children he would say lets have 1.5. Half meaning a dog. He knew I wanted kids but he didn’t. I chose to have one child because he worked lots of hours and I raised our daughter by myself and working lots of hours. It was like I was a single parent. It was hard and I didn’t want to do it by myself again so I chose 1.

    My daughter is 30 and although she has cousins and a couple of good friends, she lives far away from everyone including me. In fact most of our small family/friends have moved out of state. We are all scattered. If anything were to happen to us, she would be alone. A sibling would have an easier time to drop everything to be there to help through the situation. Lets face it a friend or cousin would have a harder time getting time off from an employer for a funeral and help afterwards than if it were a parent who died. When it’s my time to leave this earth, I hope she will have someone there to help her through it. Half of me regrets not having another child and the other half is happy about that I didn’t. It’s a double edged sword.

    I’m 57 and no one questioned my decision as they do now. It’s really no one’s business but your own. I applaud you for making this very hard decision.

  15. Thank you so much for this post and being so open. We conceived our daughter through 4 rounds of IVF, our very last embryo. I recently experienced an ectopic pregnancy in which my only tube was removed (other was removed due to an ectopic in 2014). I’ve struggled with the finality of it as we never saw us going down the IVF road again, but as I continued to think more about it, I’ve always seen our family complete as it and that is 100% okay. Thanks again for sharing.

  16. I get it. Whatever you decide to do somebody is always judgy about it. I’m currently pregnant with my third. I’m getting pretty constant commentary on how crazy a third is. What were we thinking, was it an accident etc. There’s no winning

  17. THANK YOU! We have one child, Aubrey who is 3. We get so many people asking when we’re having a sibling for her. Truth is, I never really saw myself with any children at all, let alone one. We hadn’t planned to have children when we did–it was a total surprise. (Yet, I love her very much.) For so many reasons, I’m happy with just one child. Unfortunately, she is also the only grandchild on both sides, as my husband is an only child and my sister and BIL can’t have kids. So, she won’t even get to have cousins. But, we plan to fill her life with activities and animals (we have a farm) and friends. Do I feel guilty? All the time. Especially when she will ask for a sister, and I tell her mommy can’t have any more babies. But, I hope as she grows she’ll understand why and appreciate it.

  18. We have one little mister who is 8 months old and we are already trying for a second. The judgement I am getting from my family and friends is subtle but I see it. Both my husband and I have one sibling each. I am the oldest and my husband is the youngest. It was always fun to have a sibling but I also have a cousin, who is an only child, that I consider to be my sister. We are that close! She is a handful so I understand why her parents only wanted one ha! I think it is awesome that yall stay close with cousins and relatives, it is so fun to have such a great relationship with my extended family 🙂 I enjoy having a “younger sister” without the extra drama of two female girls living under one roof!!

  19. This is such a wonderful post! My husband is an only child, I am one of 6 and together we have 3 boys. It took a LOT of work to get through the 3 complete pregnancies that resulted in our boys and it’s exhausting to constantly fend off judgement and obnoxious questions about having more children. Yes, I’d like a girl but no, we won’t try “one more time” just to see!
    I wish I knew how to fix people’s constant desire to know about my reproductive health and state of my uterus!

  20. I have 4 kids. I don’t see why people have SUCH strong opinions about other people’s lives. Is it so hard to see that every person, every couple, every family, is different? They all have different needs and desires? If you choose to have no kids, 1 kid, 6 kids, or never marry, well maybe that’s the best for you, even if it isn’t what’s best for me.

    All that to say, it’s wonderful that you guys are happy and on the same page about this. I’m sorry you feel like you have to justify your personal business to the world!

  21. I always hate when people say an only child is robbed from a built in best friend-meaning a sibling. My brother was NEVER my best friend. We fought constantly and as adults are not close. My younger sister is 14 years younger and as i teen i felt like my mom made me take care of her constantly and resented them both. Honestly, my experience made me not want kids for the next decade. Now we have 1 and are trying for #2 but def not based on that reasoning. Its refreshing to hear when parents talk positively about having one child. Thanks for sharing!

  22. Hey, its totally your decision to have one, two, or no children. We have none and were judged so much and asked about it ALL the time when we were younger. Now that we are in our late 40’s, we are no longer asked when we are starting a family, but now the question for people is WHY did you decide to not have children – was it your choice or a medical reason….. like really, I wish people would just mind their own business about something so personal. Sorry for the rant, but the fact that you even have to address this topic annoys me beyond, lol.

  23. I wrote a post about being an only child discussing all the pros and cons to it because people would always give me weird looks when I said I was only child. Ultimately I think being an only child was and is the best thing ever. I won’t rehash the thousand words I already wrote but I do think the pros outweighed the cons for me. My husband said he always felt like an only child because he was one of three but the other two were girls. So he felt like he got lots of attention for being THE boy. Ha ha so you never know what the family dynamics will turn out to be! Now that I’m pregnant with our first I know that I’d be cool with just one kid BUT the price tag on all the baby stuff makes me want to have another one to get my moneys worth. LOL JK Akins of People always have an opinion they speak before they think, it’s human. People need to remember what’s good for you may not be good for me and visa versa!

  24. My husband and I currently have no kids, and we don’t know if we ever will! We are asked all the time when we will finally have kids as we just passed our 5 year anniversary (and I’m a teacher, so obviously I should want multiple children, right?!) It’s really quite annoying. Thankfully, each of our siblings now have a baby, so our families have eased up haha! Although my dad has told me that my life won’t be complete until I have a child ‍♀️ Plus, I already have anxiety that I’m medicated for and can’t imagine throwing a child into the mix and seeing how I handle that lol. Right now, all we know is that our work schedules are crazy (plus I’m back in school for my Masters), we love to travel when we have the rare occasion that we can get away, and we love our 5 fur babies who keep us busy (and they are expensive!). Everyone needs to learn to keep their opinions to themselves ha!

  25. Thank you for this! I have an only child by choice (he’s 7) and before I had him I never really thought I would have an only child. We are very happy with this decision! Often we get the, “so is he your only child?” And I will just say “yeah but he’s a lot wrapped into one” lol and just laugh. Because well that’s mostly true :). I love that we can give him a good life. For me, having an older brother was pretty horrible, so I am so thankful he doesn’t have to deal with any of that.

  26. Your reasoning, pros and cons to having one child is valid. Ultimately, though, even if all you listed were cons, the decision is still entirely on your shoulders and your husbands, and it’s a shame people tend to overshare their opinions when they disagree. We have two children, and wanted it that way WITH NO MORE, haha. Our reasoning was to try to have a child of each gender for the personal experience, the sibling relationship and above all, that is God forbid something were to happen to both my husband and I, we wanted our son to have a close family member. Plus, growing up an only child until age 12, I can truly say I loved it when my sister was born and life was much more fulfilling for me personally. Additionally, my husband has always been an only child and actually despises the fact that the focus is constantly on him…He was lonely growing up. Nonetheless, that was our experience and for no one to judge, just like your choice is yours, too!

  27. Enjoyed this post/perspective.

    My son is about a year younger than Quinn, and I waiver between staying a family of 3 or having another child.

    My husband and I BOTH are an only child (believe it or not), so while we both fully understand the pros and cons of being an only, I struggle with the idea that my son will have so few blood family members, especially since cousins live far away and such.

    It’s such a personal decision, and honestly, children are expensive!!! I’d love a large family in many ways, but I’d also rather be able to provide for one child well than struggle to provide for many.

    Honestly, you didn’t owe anybody this explanation, but I appreciate your sharing. People need to be mindful of the myriad reasons people don’t have more – or ANY – kids: money, infertility, personal issues, illness, etc.

  28. excellent post, Tina, and i’m so glad you addressed this! as a long time reader, i was always a little curious about this, to be honest. i just feel like i *know* you guys so well 😉 i’m sorry so many people in your (and all married people’s) life feel it so damn necessary to input their opinions on children. i mean, who cares?! its a couple’s decision, and there are SO many factors that can come into play even if there is a “plan.” any hoo, as so many have said, you guys do you! and bless that beautiful boy and you and Mal.

  29. My husband and I really weighed out the pros and cons when deciding about having a second child too. We were very on the fence. What ultimately made our decision was that we wanted our son to have a sibling. Now my boys are ages 5 and 3 and I am SOOOOO glad we did have a second child. Our younger son is so different from our older son and he is sooooo good for our older son. He pushes our older one outside of his comfort zone all the time. They also play together really well and they are best friends. They hug each other in the morning at school to say good bye and hug and kiss each other at bedtime. Watching their bond is so beautiful! But having said all of this, I think our family could’ve been happy with one too. You are doing the right thing by having open, honest conversations between you and Mal and deciding what is best for your family and ignoring what others say and think. You will be happy with either choice because if you did have a second child, you would love him/her just as much as you love Quinn and you would accept your new family dynamic.

  30. Im so glad you posted this. We are a family of 3 and i totally agree. It is a hard decision to make and one people are very opinionated about. I think all of your reasons are really strong and i share them. It is a very personal decision and people are way too liberal about sharing their opinions. Good for you!

  31. Goodness, I think everyone should do what’s right for them. But people will make comments basically no matter what you do. My sister had a son and a daughter when she was pregnant with a third child and people were like “why are you having another?” It seems you can’t win!

    I’ve struggled with a tiny desire to have a third child and we decided to stop for most of the reasons you mentioned. We can provide more for two children than three. We will be more likely to pay for their college educations, won’t need to buy a bigger car, aren’t adding an additional daycare payment, etc. And I am a little anxious in general and just can’t imagine the mental capacity to even worry about three children, haha. I’m sure if we had three we’d make it work, but two feels right.

    We always imagined our family with two kids and that is what we have. And as my own parents age and deal with health issues, I am glad to have a sibling. My sister and I happen to be very close, so that definitely helps, but it’s nice to have someone to go through the caring-for-aging-parents stage of life. And bonus our kids are very close, which is really fun.

  32. I am an only child. It was good and not so great. My husband was the youngest of three. It was good and no so great. We still see the pros and cons to the decisions each of our families made. And also for both our families, the decision on how many kids to have, was partially made because of other circumstances. My parents only had me because they thought they couldn’t have kids, then my mom got pregnant, they thought they might have more but my mom was never able to get pregnant again. My husband’s older siblings are twins so when he came along that made three kids and so his parents were done. We have two kids now. I would like a third but my son was recently diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes. So that weighs heavy on us and since we have our daughter who already gets less attention because of my son’s illness, we just may be done with having kids. The moral of my long story here is, having kids is such a tough subject. There are SO many factors. MANY of which most people don’t know about. No one can tell my son has type 1 by looking at him. People just need to relax and not worry about what every one else is doing (unless you are close friends and that is the stuff close friends talk about!). There’s nothing wrong with being an only child. I survived just fine. Of course sometimes I wish I had a sister but then I see my husbands family and sometimes I am thankfully I don’t have to deal with the drama that sometimes happens 🙂

  33. My husband and I agonized over this same issue for quite some time. Our son is about to turn 5; we ultimately decided to have a second baby, and she just turned one! But we also went back and forth for a long time and your list of pros for remaining a single child family was nearly identical to ours! In the end, the pros of adding another child won out for us, and it’s such a personal decision. With four years separating our kids, I definitely endured a TON of other people judgments and opinions about when the next one would be arriving. Great post!

  34. Hi Tina, thank you for writing this. My husband and I plan on trying for a child in the new year. I’m grateful that we’re on the same page on not knowing how many kids we want. We agree that we won’t know how many kids we want until we see what it’s like to have our first child and what pregnancy is like for me. I have to admit you do make having one child very appealing. Thank you for sharing your family and life with us every week. Honestly it makes me more excited to be a mom one day 🙂

  35. Thank you so much for sharing! We have one child and have had all the same conversations you mentioned here. Everyone has their opinions for us too! While we also go with “never say never” it’s most likely a no go with more kids and that is OK. We love our little family 🙂 Thank you for sharing your feelings 🙂

    P.S. Your tiny human is adorable 🙂

  36. Thank you so much for this! I have only one child. He’s 5. I had major complications after he was born. I would have loved to have another child but I cannot.
    I feel sad and guilty about him not having a sibling. But I’m so thankful I have him! I wish people would stop judging and making comments. I’m sorry you get them as well.

  37. I find this perspective SO interesting because in my friend group it feels like the more children you have the more selfish you are due to the environmental factors of population growth! We have one child and want to have a second, but feel we should stop there because that would limit us to “replacing” ourselves in the population. Just do what’s right for you and know that you have out a lot of thought into making a decision that is best for your family.

  38. I find it ridiculous that anyone ever feels justified sharing their opinion on what a woman should do when it comes to having kids. I think your decision to have one or more kids should stay between you and your husband. That said, I’ve struggled with this question myself and I don’t even have a child yet. Like you and Mal, I grew up with siblings and always wondered what it would be like to have been an only child. Who knows what we will want to do once we have our first child.

    I think it’s great that you and Mal chose what was right for your little family. Anyone that judges you because of it can just take a walk.

  39. While the decision is entirely up to you and nobody should be entitled an opinion except you & Mal I find that a bit bizarre that the first pro reason should be that traveling is easier while saying it’s not for selfish reasons? Just thought I’d put that out there but once again, I agree that everyone should mind their own business!
    I am almost 30, have been with my boyfriend for 5 years and we both know we are each other’s future but still aren’t living together and when I asked if I want kids I say: more no than yes but we’ll see. If I got a dollar every time the answer was: you will change your mind, I’d be rich!

  40. I came from a large family, and am currently pregnant with our fourth child. I love big families! BUT, my husband is an only child and I’ve gotta say—they make AMAZING spouses! He has a very dynamic personality and has a great relationship with his parents that I envy. And he’s incredibly smart. Our grandchildren have a much closer relationship with his parents than mine, since there’s no competition on his side! So your possible future grandchild(ten) will be blessed too. Thank you for putting this out there!

  41. I love this post! Why are people so nosy/opinionated when it comes to other people’s life decisions? Are they planning to help you raise another child!? It’s like when you get married and people start asking you when you’re going to have a baby as soon as the ring’s on your finger. I applaud you for doing what’s right for your family. It can be a difficult decision and there are pros/cons to every permutation. We have 3 kids (3, 2, and a newborn) and it’s chaos. I wouldn’t trade it for the world (and honestly would love to have a 4th), but who knows how the kids will feel about it when they’re older. They definitely get less one-on-one time than they would if they were only children, and I sometimes do feel guilty that my oldest has to be the responsible one based on his relatively older age, and that my middle child gets a bit less attention than the others. We also had to recruit a lot of help to get us through these first few weeks and kids are expensive! In sum, the guilt will be there no matter what you do.

  42. So ridiculous that these decisions need to be justified to others… but I get it. I am child free- by choice at age 40- and the number of people who have an opinion on it is frustrating. When I tell the reason- I can’t stand children- it usually suffices. But it’s not socially acceptable to dislike children as a female- you’re not supposed to admit it 🙂 great post!

  43. Thank you for this! We have one child too, I would have loved to have more, but my body won’t let me. My ob-gyn told me this when we finally got pregnant with our baby. He said when you have a baby, you will get greedy and want more babies. But you have to put your first child’s needs above your own and consider how your decisions will affect them. I get baby fever just like everyone else, but I am so grateful for the baby I have. ❤❤

  44. I think many parents make the mistake of just leaving their kids to it; expecting them to just “get along”–nope, it just doesn’t work that way. Just because you are biologically related to someone, and share the same parents, it does not automatically mean you and your siblings will be best friends in life. BUT. If parents make a concerted effort when the kids are young, foster the sense of closeness and camaraderie, then I really do believe children can grow to really appreciate, love and be close to their siblings. It all starts with the parents. It’s work but it is so worth it. I am so thankful my parents put in that hard work with me and my siblings; I cannot imagine going through life without them. Especially with my parents getting older, and one of them having gone through a major life threatening illness. An oh, would life be so boring without them! I already feel I get so much focus enough already from my parents, thank God I have my other two siblings to distract them ha!

    I have two myself, contemplating a third. Friends of mine with 3 or more constantly say that despite having less time with each child that the kids having each other makes up for it. I disagree actually….a sibling is a poor substitute for a parent’s attention. I have a hard time imagining spending less time with the two I have already; I adore and cherish and am very protective of that time with each of them. It’s all so fleeting is it not? But oh sometimes I feel like there is another little hand I’m supposed to be holding, a little face that’s supposed to be looking up at me for encouragement and love; another little child that’s supposed to be at our dinner table interjecting with their opinions, thoughts and ideas. My life would be much easier if those feelings went away, but they won’t for now—such is life. Anyways, all the best to your family of 3; no one else is living your life but you! Keep being authentic and true to yourself:)

  45. Thank you so much for sharing this,Tina. You don’t know how much I needed to hear this…

    I have one child, a 15mo daughter, and I am so content with just one child. I feel incredibly lucky to have one healthy baby, and I don’t understand the constant “when are you having another one” comments and questions. It makes me feel guilty or that I’m making a poor choice for feeling the way I do about not really itching for second baby. My husband and I are in our mid 30’s and I keep feeling the pressure from family and friends about having another one soon (bio clock ticking comments). I can really relate to your post today, and needed that read. So, thank you for that. I now feel less alone in how I feel about a one child family.

  46. We are a one child family. We would have loved to have more, but my doctor and anatomy won’t let me. So, we treasure our little family and are thankful for our rainbow baby. ❤❤

  47. Single child family here (6 y.o. daughter) and my husband and I have no plans to add another. Thank you for writing this! I think our “kind” is growing these days. I’m with you, the only opinions that matter are yours and Mal’s! Also, if you have not already, search Facebook for only child family groups. Two great ones are Parents of Only Children and Parents if Only Children By Choice. Great group of “triangle family” parents there discussing issues, forging friendships and supporting each other.

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